No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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