There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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