Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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