Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
