I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
