Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
