but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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