So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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