Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
love makes seman taste better
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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