Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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