Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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