I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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