just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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