Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
