i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
