Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
