Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
