i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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