we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
