Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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