I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
