i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
