4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
