Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
