i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
