k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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