Someone shit on the floor
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
