its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
