Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
