Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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