u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I enjoy the company of your penis
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
