so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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