The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
