I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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