You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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