Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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