I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
