Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
