can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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