We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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