I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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