I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
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If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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