i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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