Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I bet he comes in French.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
