I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
