hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
