allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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