i would punch a child for taco bell
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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