my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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