Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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