i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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