I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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