$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
