turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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