Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
