So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
