i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
