The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
