I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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