I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
