btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
