pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
