Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
