doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I still have a little drunk in my system
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
