So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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