I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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