I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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