While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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