when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
