No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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