You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
