I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
