ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
