i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
