Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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