Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
