There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
