there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
COCAINE IS GR8
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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